What does it mean to be a man? Is it an age, an attitude, an achievement? When I turned 13 did I automatically become a man? 18? 20? 30? If I act like a man does that do it? If I watch Monday Night Football, barbecue every Sunday afternoon and having the ability to fix anything and everything without knowing whats wrong? Or do I just need to look the part? Growing a beard, 6 foot 3, 220 pounds, chest hair? Or do I have to graduate college and get a executive level job? Does being married make you man? Having sex? Having kids? or is it simply hitting puberty? Do it happen when I stop reading books like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and start reading The Measure of a Man or The Man in the Mirror?
Can we really expect out society to raise men, if no one really knows what it means?
During my training for Rwanda, we learned that if one is married he is a man, if he is not married he is still a boy. Dictionary.com defines a man, as an adult male person. Adult is further defined as having attained full size and strength. So once a male has gotten through puberty he become a man? Or is he just an old child?
This has been something that I've been struggling with because our society is producing "men", that are far from deserving of that title. Men should not desert their families, men should not raise their fists to solve problems. There are countless other things that men should not do. However, everyday we see "men" beating their children and their spouses, every day we see "men" abandoning their families in hope of a better life never to speak to these people again in their lives.
In the Abolition of Man C.S. Lewis stated "We make men without chests and expect of them virtue and enterprise."
I dare to say things haven't changed since Lewis wrote that. I've observed that America does not raise men, we raise large children. For the most part, many of them still act like the children that they were, they are just a little more creative, and maybe a little smarter. Today's men are impatient, cruel, envious, boastful, proud, rude, self-seeking, hot-tempered, unforgiving. We create "men" who delight in evil, and frown at truth. "Men" who don't protect, don't trust, don't hope don't persevere. We create LOVELESS "men". So all of those characteristics are not true for all men, however, the opposite of each is seldom true for any man.
I am not saying that you have never seen a man, I am saying that we don't have many. I've seen many men who portray manhood as it should be, but I've seen a lot of "men" who could care less.
Personally, I like the idea that men should be temperate, not to be confused with passive, should be worthy of respect and not have to demand it, have wisdom flowing through their lives. They should have a steady belief system, not wavering with everything they say jumping to opposite conclusions with every opposing view, they should be overwhelmed with love and patience.
Is "manhood" itself really all that important? Or is it being a man of worth that matters?
Honestly, I really don't know how to figure this out. It has been plaguing me for weeks now and I cannot manage to figure it out. Any thoughts?
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3 comments:
According to Ernest Hemingway, a boy must complete four things to become a man: Plant a Tree, Fight a Bull, Write a Novel, and Father a Son. Now the common person will not typically do all of these things. One might plant a tree and father a son, but they most likely will not write a novel, an almost certainly not fight a bull. However, Hemingway uses all four requirements as symbols, rather than actual tasks to be performed. For me, the symbols represent virtues that a man must have in order to be called "a man." Plant a Tree- I see this as caring for the world one lives in, and giving back to the world; since it has given much to him. Fight a Bull- a man is to be tough and courageous, who will stand his ground when tough situations are thrown at him. Write a Novel- I see this as having wisdom and knowledge. Not necessarily book smarts, but the gatherings of life's lessons that he has obtained. And Father a Son- I don't think that it has to be just a "son," but this would probably mean that the man has compassion, and wants to raise a son that can become a man like he is.
One crucial element that Hemingway has left out (I'm not sure where he stands in his faith) is Faith. Faith that God will give him the strength to provide for his family. This goes along with that classic sticker (if you've seen it) "Real Men Love Jesus." Now this is more than just a "You're not a man if you don't" attack, this is some serious stuff here. Those four virtues by Hemingway can be listed in the responsibilities of following Christ. Caring for the Earth that God created, having wisdom and knowledge of the Word to spread the Word, continuing the population of Earth and raising children as followers and believers, and have the courage and strength to share the Word of God at times may be most dangerous. Real men love Jesus because it takes a tough guy to break down and cry because he has decided to repent his sins and become a follower of Christ. Why is it that more women go to church than men do? According to Churchformen.com (a website dedicated to getting men to the church) "The typical U.S. Congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61% female, 39% male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories." It also says that "This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands." Dare I say that America is not raising men because America is slowing moving away from the church? You quoted C.S. Lewis in the middle of your blog, and said that things haven't changed since he wrote it. I'm in a slight disagreement to that. I believe things have changed for the worst, because things have gotten worse. C.S. Lewis wrote that around the 30's or 40's I believe. The greatest generation (according to many verbal and written resources) that this country has seen, came from the 30's and 40's (mainly because of the Great Depression, and World War).
I know I've written more than I planned, and hope that I haven't bored you with how much I did. But this is an issue that, until I read your blog, didn't really think a whole lot about. To answer your question though, I believe it is a "man of worth," that matters. That is not in the sense of money, but rather in his worth of virtues. I admit that I struggle with these things that I'm sure every man struggles with. But none can overcome the struggles without first putting his faith and trust in God.
A Man in Training,
Evan
By the way, I learned of your blog from your mom, who is in my Wednesday night statistics class.
Evan,
You are very right... C.S. Lewis would shutter at today's world. We embrace post modernism something that he fought in several of his books. It is also the reason why he attacked what his generation referred to as manhood in the first place. We live in a postmodern society where manhood doesn't even matter because it's all relative... it's a shame. I guess it's never to late to start a revolution.
I know I responded to this 6 months late, so you may never see it but oh well, maybe someone will.
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